Chinese Broccoli

Where to begin? Last year I finished up visiting all 50 states and I was thinking I might take a little time off. But in the continued interest of gathering no moss, etc., I asked my friends Awesome Color if they needed any help on their spring tour across Canada with Dinosaur Jr. They hired me on as a Canadian interpreter (who else is going to explain to them where to go to the bathroom or how to order wheat toast?), and on the road we went...

I jumped on in Vancouver after a 48-hour coffee debauch and an amazing Awesome Color set at the Commodore Ballroom. (Chased up by some serious troll rampaging on the Medieval Madness pinball down the road...) We hit the Trans-Canada Highway (my first time since age, uh...0?) and started driving over mountain mountain mountain mountain mountain. Fully caught up on the backstory, I will now turn to my notes and awkwardly switch to present tense so as to make this tour diary more thrilling and immediate.

May 24: VANCOUVER TO REVELSTOKE

Apparently the city of Salmon Arm, BC, is not a joke my friends were making up all day, and is in fact, a real place.

I am keeping a list of what kind of wild animal everyone is hoping to see.
I would like to see a moose.
Allison is hoping to see a bear, wildcat, wolf.
Davey would like to see a ram. Michael would like to see a mountain lion.
Allison would also like to see a bear catching a salmon in its paw. FYI.
Derek as a late add would like to see a buffalo.

I am repeatedly reminded by the band that as a Canadian/American dual citizen I am no longer accustomed to the freedoms shared by Americans. "You're only half free," they remind me. Threats have been made about my imminent demise in the upcoming metric wars. I get a slice of veggie pizza in Kamloops at a place next to a snowboarding shop, and it's actually pretty good.

Night is falling over the mountain lands and though we blow through Salmon Arm, we're beginning to think we won't make it all the way to Golden, our imagined halfway point for the night. (The next show is in Calgary, on the day after this.) It looks like there are some motels in a town called Revelstoke coming up, so I take out my phone and start calling around. Everywhere that's expensive I ask if there are cheaper motels in the area, and eventually I collect a lot of numbers to places that are all still a bit out of our price range, with mountain-town faux-fancy names like The Regent or (inexplicably if you're from Eastern Canada) Swiss Chalet. Eventually I get the number for a place called the Mountain View, who the woman at Comfort Inn assures me is "run by really, really nice people."

The woman at the Mountain View is extremely short with me on the phone. Yes, they have rooms, she says. And then quickly tries to hang up. "Wait! How much are they? For two people?" I lie. "That's $55." she says. "Okay, and what kind..." I start, and then she says, "Okay!" and hangs up. I'm starting to get a little nervous about this woman but her hotel is real cheap so we're into it. On arrival in Revelstoke we don't see the motel by all the others so I give her another call.

Liz: "Hi! Could you tell me how to get to your hotel?"
Innkeeper: "It's really hard to find."
Liz: "......okay. But where are you located exactly?"
Innkeeper: "Yeah, it's really hard to get to. It's back from the road. I'm tired of people complaining about it."
Liz: "Um."
Inkeeper: "Yeah, it's just really hard to get to."

Amazingly enough we find the motel and the woman is a little more mellow in person. Mountain View has been slow lately, she says, what with the weather and the rockslide. But she assures us the town is blowing up, poised to be the next Whistler even. We smile and nod, and as she hands us the keys to our "two-person" room, she adds— "Actually there are three beds!" she says, and shrugs apologetically. Davey and I exchange a glance and discreetly lead the rest of the band up to the nice, clean room that not only has beds for everyone, but is fully equipped with a cheese grater and potato masher.

In the morning we check out the downtown—not much action here at all other than a "Gift & Tanning Boutique" and a couple of Red Bull promo girls in a Mini Cooper wearing giant cans of Red Bull on their backs. Fucked up. I get an absolutely amazing apple fritter at some random bakery and we're off.