West Virginia: Saving the Worst for Last
For some reason (hopeless romantic?) I fully expected my 50th state to be auspicious, adventurous, marked with excitement. This could possibly have been true if I'd touched down in Hawaii, driven to Alaska, or even crossed the Skyway Toll Bridge into Illinois. But alas, all I did was stumble foolishly into West Virginia.
This state pretty much sucks. Everyone who has been there will be unsurprised to hear my poor review. Frankly, I'd put it in my bottom ten United States. It's not a shock to see why I put off visiting it my entire life—I'd even come very close to going on two other occasions. And yet, it was on my list, and I had to go, and well. Now I've been.
I think I thought when I crossed the state line it was going to feel somehow exciting in a way that I'd feel I'd changed, grown, somehow morphed into a magical, more experienced being—kind of like you expect losing your virginity to make you feel, which it doesn't. This didn't either.
I crossed the border around 1:00pm on Thursday, April 6. I headed straight for the welcome center, planning to, if not actually pop a bottle of champagne, at least gleefully announce to the welcome center staff that I had now achieved my 50th state, and boy wasn't it exciting that that state was West Virginia! The welcome center turned out to be on a city street across from a Wal-Mart, and the woman at the counter was in an extremely bad mood. There wasn't even a sign-in book, or an offer of a free map, and all I got out of the woman herself were some gruff directions given to me in a tone that assured me I was a complete idiot for even considering going to Pittsburgh by way of Charleston.
The rest of my day in the state that professes to be "Wild, Wonderful" was equally uninspiring. Other than a fairly impressive gorge, I saw little more than grouchy hill people and a lot of brown barren mountains that weren't even pretty. The restaurant in Clarksburg that was recommended in Roadfood was closed by 5:05 pm. The state highways run 65 mph, slowing to only 55 for intersections. My cell phone didn't work in the entire state. And I saw a bumper sticker asking: "Do you worship animals, or God?" The best part of my day were some cherry blossoms I sat under in a McDonald's parking lot. And while that was really nice, it should give you some perspective.
Towards the end of my drive, I finally saw an Ontario plate for the first time in more than a week, and also, a license plate from Hawaii. Good lord must the people in that car have been so deeply, deeply disappointed.
Comments
How does a car from Hawaii get here?
Posted by: Jeremy Wilson | May 28, 2006 10:15 AM
We're glad you didn't like it here. I noticed the state got a little better after you left.
And by the way, I-79 DOES run north out of Charleston.
Next time buy a fucking map.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 29, 2006 03:34 PM
Yes, I'm sorry, the mistake in the book was that it had I-79 listed where I-77 actually is—I should definitely have looked at a map, rather than an eating book, but alas I mistook the authors' ability to identify good pie with their ability to identify a freeway. I-79 does indeed run north from Charleston, though it's really more of a northeast, and, when I inquired in Bluefield whether it would make any sense to go to Pittsburgh via Charleston, I got treated almost as rudely as I did by you. Hey, it happens. Rest assured, your state shall remain unsullied by me for the indefinite future. (I would like to see Charleston and Morgantown, though, but I can go when you're out of town if you prefer.) xoxo!
Posted by: liz | May 29, 2006 11:58 PM
You should really research you trips and cordinate them to see the best of each state, you stopped by a freaking tourist trap and it sucks yeah most do. Your narrow view on a state based on a pit stop is very noobish.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 8, 2006 03:31 PM
I have lived in WV most of my life and I can attest to the fact that it sucks. It's a beautiful state run by idiotic politicians that idiotic people keep voting in. We pay higher taxes and insurance than all our surrounding states. Wonder why we're losing population? That's it. WV--Land of Taxes. Not only that, we have nothing. And if you come here, you don't need a car because you can ride a bike as fast as most people drive.
Posted by: Anonymous | September 29, 2006 12:36 AM
Freakin' beautiful. I loved your post. For the record, Morgantown and Martinsburg are the only civilized places in the state. Other than that, yea, it sucks.
Posted by: Kelly | November 21, 2007 03:22 PM
well, we think you suck. granted, you do through bluefield. (lame) but there really are redeeming cities throughout the state. you should really consider going to more than a welcome center. morgantown, canaan valley, etc.
Posted by: Ian | December 19, 2007 12:18 AM